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News to Chew | Now, that’s really stupid

News to Chew

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Archive for the ‘Now, that’s really stupid’

Daniel Craig: Cool enough to lick and lick?

June 04, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News, Now, that's really stupid

One guess which category this story falls under. Now, if you had to choose someone famous that you could lick, who would it be? Well, in the U.K. apparently actor Daniel Craig (that’s Bond, James Bond) is the top choice as the coolest. So cool, in fact, that to celebrate National Ice Cream Week, Del Monte Superfruit Smoothies has produced a frozen treat of the British actor with his bare, sculpted torso.

Really. Check out the promotional photo to the left. Mmmm. Sexy.

According to the London’s Daily Mail, the ice cream company (which, by the way merely licenses the Del Monte name) created the smoothie likeness after asking more than 1,000 women which male celebrity they would like to see on the end of a stick. And British women most wanted to lick Craig’s stick, though we won’t assume only those of the female gender would want to run their tongues over that icy cool bod.

Getting their fill of Craig’s head means less than 100 calories for each pop and it comes in blueberry, pomegranate and cranberry flavors.

And who else did those orally deprived Brits want to suck on? Jude Law came in second, followed by Hugh Grant Welshmen Steve Jones and Tom Jones took fourth and fifth places, while Scottish film star Ewan McGregor came in sixth.Three Davids – Cameron, Beckham and Tennant were seven, eight and nine, while the top ten was rounded out by silver fox Philip Schofield.

News to Chew has no idea who some of those names are, though we are impressed with singer Tom Jones’ fifth place showing, ahead of that wanker David Beckham. Apparently, it’s not unusual to be loved anyone.

Before someone here decides to nick this really stupid idea from the Brits, we suggest this to our American women: go to the local market’s freezer section, buy a box of Popsicle Big Sticks, and use your imagination. Because we’d hate to see what the results of an American version of the poll might be.

Just some news to chew on.

I need my puffer! Le Whiff dispenses chocolate via…inhaler?

April 20, 2009 By: admin Category: Now, that's really stupid

OK, in what might be the holy grail for chocoholic weight watchers, or just a candidate for our “Now, That’s  Really Stupid” category, you gotta give props for the ingenuity. But a Harvard professor has come up with a way to consume and satisfy your chocolate urge without eating it. Yup, like a breathing impaired asthmatic, you can now get your fix by inhaling chocolate vapors with a dispenser called Le Whif.

According to David Edwards, lead inventor of Le Whif:

Over the centuries we’ve been eating smaller and smaller quantities at shorter and shorter intervals.  It seemed to us that eating was tending toward breathing, so, with a mix of culinary art and aerosol science, we’ve helped move eating habits to their logical conclusion. We call it whiffing.

So, how do you whif Le Whif chocolate? Whiffing, with Le Whif, means to place Le Whif between your lips and inhale, through your mouth.  Fine chocolate powder leaves Le Whif, enters your mouth, and remains there. The particles of chocolate in Le Whif are much larger than 10 microns in size, so they cannot enter your lungs

Oh, yeah, and the company claims you can finally consume chocolate for no calories. Well, sort of: the total mass of chocolate powder in Le Whif is about 200 milligrams.  This amounts to less than 1 calorie of chocolate.

So, is this the holy grail? Hmm…nah, just a really stupid idea if you ask us. The product goes on sale worldwide on April 29. Boy, we can’t wait.

Just some news to chew on.

Placenta panini, anyone? Mom cooks – then eats – afterbirth after birth

April 09, 2009 By: admin Category: Now, that's really stupid

Man, I can’t even come up with anything snarky, it just speaks for itself. As posted on momlogic.com:

After Chrissy Schilling had her first baby over the weekend, her twin sister Kathy cooked up the placenta and they had a feast. They put it on pasta and on a sandwich. They even put pictures of the meal on Facebook!

The posting goes on (and on) in more culinary detail – with pictures, too (which I will spare you here)! And it makes eating testicles sound not-so-gross after all.

Getting…very…queasy…must…throw…up…now.

Just some news to, um, chew on.

Now that’s really stupid: pizza-making vending machine invented by…Italians?

March 28, 2009 By: admin Category: Now, that's really stupid

So, it seems fitting to start a category “Now, That’s Really Stupid” with this inaugural entry: A vending machine that bakes fresh pizza has made its debut in, yes, Italy. But it’s not just a machine that heats up a pre-made or frozen pizza. We already have  one of those in our homes: it’s called the oven.

The bright-red “Let’s Pizza” machine uses infra-red rays and technology developed at the University of Bologna to knead flour and water into dough, spread it with tomato sauce and a choice of topping, and cook it — all in less than three minutes.

According to a Reuters report, Let’s Pizza’s developer, Claudio Torghele, says the machine has proved popular in trials in two Italian regions, but gourmets say it is an affront to traditional methods of cooking the classic dish.

“This is not just a vending machine, it’s a mini-pizzeria,” said Torghele, 56. “It has windows where you can watch the pizza-making process. Kids, including my own, love it: when the machine is working, there’s always a crowd.”

The Italian pizza was invented in the 18th century in the southern city of Naples. So, you have to admire the Italians’ laissez attitude for taking 300 years to find a way to cheapen their beloved dish. I’m just surprised some American hadn’t invented it sooner – it is so much more our speed. For godsakes, we eat microwaveable frozen pizza.

So, what’s next? The burrito-making vending machine? Or one that makes fresh sushi? Oh, don’t put it past ourselves. But the question is, does the Let’s Pizza robot technology slice the pie into pieces? Makes the $32,00 machine almost worth the $4 (Euros) it’ll cost you.

Just some news to chew on.

What’s wrong with this picture: John Daly offers up unique Hooters endorsement

November 04, 2008 By: admin Category: Food News, Now, that's really stupid

Perhaps he was emulating the logo of Hooters, one of his last remaining sponsors. Because as implausible as it seems, troubled golfer John Daly says he sleeps with his eyes open when he’s tired and drunk. And that’s what caused the misunderstanding last week when he was found outside a Winston-Salem Hooters restaurant extremely intoxicated and uncooperative, according to local police. He was taken to the county jail to sober up.

In a telephone interview with the Associated Press on Nov. 2, the two-time major champion said the incident could have been avoided if his friends had realized he tends to sleep with his eyes open when he’s tired, stressed and has been drinking. He said the driver of his private bus, parked near Hooters, panicked when he saw Daly and called the paramedics.

“The thing I want people to know is when I called my girlfriend at 11:30 p.m., I was going back to the bus to go sleep,” Daly said. “I’m not going to say I wasn’t drunk. I did have a few drinks. I said to them, ‘I’m tired, I’m drunk and I’m going to bed.’”

Daly said his friends woke him up about 2 a.m.

“The bus driver called 911 because my eyes were open,” Daly said. “I said, ‘What’s going on?’ He said, ‘We thought you were dead.’ Anybody who knows me … when I’m tired, I sleep with my eyes open. They know it takes awhile to wake me up.”

He has made only five cuts in 17 starts on the PGA Tour, his best finish a tie for 40th in the Viking Classic after rib surgery. He currently is No. 774 in the world.

Daly hired Tiger Woods’ former swing coach Butch Harmon at the start of the year, but Harmon quit after a week in Tampa, Fla., when Daly spent a rain delay in a Hooters tent, then returned to play with Tampa Bay Bucs coach Jon Gruden as his caddie. Apparently, Daly doesn’t have the same work ethic as Woods.

Daly said he does not know why he was put into orange coveralls, or why his photo was released to the public.

The picture looks like I’m drunk,” he said. “I wasn’t drunk when they took the picture. The picture people are seeing is me half-asleep.”

Because he was drunk! Isn’t denial one of the traits of addiction?

But golf’s everyman is, if anything, forthright:

The world perceives that I passed out at Hooters, that I was thrown out at Hooters,” he said. “I was asleep on the bus. I didn’t pass out at Hooters. I’ve never had an incident at Hooters. I hate that their name is brought into it this way. They’ll probably have to terminate me because of the negative publicity.”

Oh, don’t be so sure. Because America loves a lovable drunk. And maybe Hooters feels Daly, in all his train-wreck glory, is the quintessential representative of their core clientele and will keep sponsoring him.

Now, if he can figure out how to win a golf tournament while drunk, sleeping with his eyes open, he just might be on to something special. And Hooters will sell more chicken wings.

Just some news to chew on.

Tastes Like Mother’s Milk: PETA Wants Ben & Jerry’s to Use Breast Milk in Ice Cream

October 03, 2008 By: admin Category: Food News, Now, that's really stupid

You know, some things are just too weird that they must be true, and this one ranks right up there. You might say it’s one succulent story – rich, creamy and mammarable. And we can thank the whack jobs at PETA for their pendulous concerns.

You see, last week, in their concern for the treatment, oops, ethical treatment of animals, the organization that wants to set all pets and zoo animals free announced their latest brilliant idea: PETA wants world-famous Ben & Jerry’s Homemade Ice Cream to tap nursing moms, rather than cows, for the milk used in its ice cream.

Yup, that’s right. PETA wants our friends at Ben & Jerry’s – who are quite ethical, from what I gather – to substitute cow’s milk with breast milk. Uh huh.

Here’s what the Associate Press reported:

“If Ben and Jerry’s replaced the cow’s milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers – and cows – would reap the benefits,” wrote Tracy Reiman, executive vice president of the animal rights advocacy group.
Ashley Byrne, a campaign coordinator for PETA, acknowledged the implausibility of substituting breast milk for cow’s milk, but said it’s no stranger than humans consuming the milk of another species.
“We’re aware this idea is somewhat absurd, and that putting it into practice is a stretch. At the time same, it’s pretty absurd for us to be drinking the milk of cows,” she said.

To the surprise of no one, except maybe PETA, the idea got a cool reception Thursday from Ben & Jerry’s officials, the company’s customers and even La Leche League International, the world’s oldest breast-feeding support organization.

But let’s suspend disbelief for a second and pretend that this is a great idea. There would be some logistical hurdles to overcome – at least production-wise.

According to AP, it takes about 12 pounds – or 1½ gallons of milk – to make a gallon of ice cream. Ben & Jerry’s, which gets its milk exclusively from Vermont cows, won’t say how much milk it uses or how much ice cream it sells.

Now I’m no math wiz but my estimation is that it’s gonna take a helluva lot of lactating mothers – breasts heaving and pumps in hand – to come up with the volume needed to churn out those delectable treats we love so much.

Now, licking an ice cream cone is one of our most pleasurable and sensual experiences, but in the context of a cone of luscious mounds of creamy ice cream made from human breast milk – well, Sigmund Freud would have a field day with that imagery. And to most of us, it’s just plain creepy.

On the other hand, breast milk Ben & Jerry’s ice cream would spawn a slew of imaginative flavor names. How about some Nipplepolitan? Or 36 Double D Dipped Chocolate? Or Booble Gum Gummy Bear?

Got any ideas of your own? And what do you think about PETA’s suggestion? Just some news to suck, er, chew on.