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News to Chew | Food News

News to Chew

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Archive for the ‘Food News’

Fast Food Fellatio: Burger King’s Super Seven Incher Is A Lot To Swallow

July 02, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

You know, if you can’t entice the public with clever copy and artistic execution, then thump ‘em in the face with seven-inches of your meat. Apparently, that’s what Burger King’s strategy is in their new ad campaign for its BK Super Seven Incher sandwich. But then again, this is the company that came up with the Whopper hamburger.

The print ad, created by Burger King’s agency Crispin Porter Bogusky, shows the sandwich in all its meaty glory while a woman is opening her mouth wide in an attempt to, uh, take all of it. The headline screams: IT’LL BLOW YOUR MIND AWAY. Hmmm…what could that mean?

Or as EW.com so succintly states:

If it hasn’t already happened, today can go down in the record books as the day subtlety died. Burger King’s latest advertisement — for its, ahem, BK Super Seven Incher — leaves little to imagination or interpretation.

It gets better, though, in a totally sophomoric way. The body (pun intended) copy goes down even further saying:”Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled with the NEW BK SUPER SEVEN INCHER.” Love the all caps, by the way, and “something long and juicy” is a nice turn of phrase. We at News to Chew want to see the rejected ad pitches – those must’ve been really juicy.

But don’t judge Burger King too harshly. The fast food business is burtal and cutthroat and you gotta smack your audience in the face. Carl’s Jr. has cornered the market on horny, hungry males with tittilating commercials featuring Audrina Partridge and Padma Lakshmi making hungry love to their Six Dollar Burgers. Man, Weinerschnitzel is kicking themselves right now.

So, BK has decided to go for the horny, hungry female market – is there one? – and going straight for the throat. Literally. But it begs the question: what if the women gag after trying the Super Seven Incher?

Just some news to chew on.

Here’s the Padma Lakshmi Carl’s Jr. spot:

Here’s the Audrina Partridge Carl’s Jr. spot:

Where’s the beef? It’s in KFC’s grilled chicken!

June 15, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

Amid the media blitz touting its new grilled chicken – including the blessing of her highness, Oprah – KFC was staking its claim to offering a healthy alternative to its artery clogging menu of finger-licking goodness. Grilled chicken always seems like a good thing, right?

Well, it seems there’s a bit more flavor to the chicken than the secret blend of herbs and spices that the mouth-watering advertisements pitch: beef. Or beef powder and rendered beef fat, to be exact. And one competing restaurant chain isn’t taking this discovery lightly.

El Pollo Loco has a beef with KFC’s chicken and is taking aim in its TV commercials. According to the LA Times, the Southern California chain learned that KFC was using beef thanks to a customer’s tweet to El Pollo Loco’s Twitter account.

“The use of beef ingredients in grilled chicken just seems wrong to me, and we believe most consumers would agree,” said Steve Carley, chief executive of El Pollo Loco. In one television commercial, Carley stands in a cow pasture and talks about a “fun fact” concerning KFC’s grilled chicken, then discloses the beef ingredients.

El Pollo Loco chicken is marinated in herbs, spices and fruit juices and is grilled over an open flame. Apparently, KFC’s grilled chicken is cooked in an oven, with the oven racks providing the “grilled” representation.

Whether El Pollo Loco’s campaign helps itself and hurts KFC. We at News to Chew doubt it, though. Never underestimate the power of beef flavoring. Remember, not too long ago it was revealed that McDonald’s french fries where glazed with rendered beef fat, too. And we know how good those suckers are.

And if you can make chicken taste more like beef, then we’re all for it.

Just some news to chew on.

Arson can’t keep topless coffee shop from pouring it on

June 12, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

Last March News to Chew reported on a coffee shop in Maine where the waitresses served their java topless. Novel idea, perhaps, especially for Maine. But apparently someone in Vassalboro disliked the notion of D-cups serving coffee cups enough to burn down the establishment - the Grandview Topless Coffee Shop burned to the ground last week and authorities said arson was to blame.<p>

Well, it seems pyromania isn’t going to keep those waitresses’ tops on, as the owner has reopened his business less than a week later in a tent canopy beside the burned rubble. We will refrain from making remarks about whose poles were holding up the tent.

Besides, the waitresses had their tops on – apparently it was a bit too nippy to go without.

Just some news to chew on.

See video of the reopening here.

Daniel Craig: Cool enough to lick and lick?

June 04, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News, Now, that's really stupid

One guess which category this story falls under. Now, if you had to choose someone famous that you could lick, who would it be? Well, in the U.K. apparently actor Daniel Craig (that’s Bond, James Bond) is the top choice as the coolest. So cool, in fact, that to celebrate National Ice Cream Week, Del Monte Superfruit Smoothies has produced a frozen treat of the British actor with his bare, sculpted torso.

Really. Check out the promotional photo to the left. Mmmm. Sexy.

According to the London’s Daily Mail, the ice cream company (which, by the way merely licenses the Del Monte name) created the smoothie likeness after asking more than 1,000 women which male celebrity they would like to see on the end of a stick. And British women most wanted to lick Craig’s stick, though we won’t assume only those of the female gender would want to run their tongues over that icy cool bod.

Getting their fill of Craig’s head means less than 100 calories for each pop and it comes in blueberry, pomegranate and cranberry flavors.

And who else did those orally deprived Brits want to suck on? Jude Law came in second, followed by Hugh Grant Welshmen Steve Jones and Tom Jones took fourth and fifth places, while Scottish film star Ewan McGregor came in sixth.Three Davids – Cameron, Beckham and Tennant were seven, eight and nine, while the top ten was rounded out by silver fox Philip Schofield.

News to Chew has no idea who some of those names are, though we are impressed with singer Tom Jones’ fifth place showing, ahead of that wanker David Beckham. Apparently, it’s not unusual to be loved anyone.

Before someone here decides to nick this really stupid idea from the Brits, we suggest this to our American women: go to the local market’s freezer section, buy a box of Popsicle Big Sticks, and use your imagination. Because we’d hate to see what the results of an American version of the poll might be.

Just some news to chew on.

Learning to make sushi at…Shedd Aquarium?

May 30, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

OK, this just sounded weird  when it came across the NTC news desk: the Shedd Aquarium is offering up a class on how to make sushi – you know, like slicing up those pretty fishies that you spent admiring through the glass at the aquarium. Seems like after spending your time educating your guests on the fragile nature of the sea’s creatures, you maybe wouldn’t want to issue them a knife and let them go at it.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the Shedd offers up this sushi class periodically, but it isn’t an exercise in brazen hypocrisy.

It’s a part of our Right Bite program that we have been conducting for 10 years,” said Kassia Perpich, the Shedd’s sustainable-seafood coordinator, who teaches about the damage that popular eating habits do to the world’s oceans. The Shedd’s program urges people to instead eat seafoods that remain plentiful in the wild. A chef from Plitt Seafood Co. will demonstrate how to prepare the Japanese dish of raw seafood, using Alaskan salmon and Dungeness crabmeat.

Oh, OK. We get it. Learn to respect the food you’re consuming and make responsible choices. But it still seems a little weird, the setting and all. Kinda like going to the San Diego Zoo to learn how to cook exotic game. Just a little…creepy. But the intention is good. We guess.

Just some news to chew on.

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Space Station Water: Tastes Like Piss

May 22, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

Tastes like piss water. It typically is a derogatory way to describe derision for weak beer. But now, the astronauts of the International Space Station are saying it – and liking it! Because on Wednesday, May 20, three crew members took sips of recycled sweat and urine in a major milestone for the lab complex.

Really. They drank piss. Pee. Tinkle. Station commander Gennady Padalka, flight engineer Michael Barratt, and Japanese astronaut Koichi Wakata held a brief toasting ceremony, touching drink bags, and sipping recycled water for the first time since laboratory analysis confirmed its purity and cleanliness.

Former space station science officer Donald Pettit told Barratt “we’re getting ready to toast some of yesterday’s coffee here with you guys.”

“That’s great to hear,” Barratt said. “We’re really fat with coffee up here, which is great for me, so we’re going to be drinking yesterday’s coffee frequently up here, and happy to do it…Here’s to all of you who made this happen.

The recycling system takes the combined urine of the crew from the toilet, moves it to a big tank, where the water is boiled off, and the vapor collected. The rest of contaminants — the yucky brine in the urine — is thrown away, said Marybeth Edeen, the space station’s national lab manager who was in charge of the system. When six crew members are aboard it can make about six gallons from urine in about six hours, Edeen said.

Reminds us here at News to Chew of the classic Miller Lite beer commercial: “Less filling! Tastes great!”

Heck, we say, bottle it up, slap on a fancy label and say it’s from natural, uh, sources from outer space and NASA can fund their projects on the water income alone.

Just some news to chew on.

Toss your lunch: refrigerator stench sickens 28 office workers

May 13, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

So, chances are you’ve worked in an office or workplace with a common refrigerator to keep your lunch or leftovers. And chances are that very refrigerator didn’t get cleaned out very often and started cultivating new strains of mold and aromas. Even so, it’s a wonder your co-workers would continue to put edible foodstuff in the fridge only to see it become inedible.

But an AT&T call center in San Jose takes the cake in grossness. Sickeningly. Literally.

The stench from the office refrigerator became so bad that a worker decided to take the initiative and clean out the grimy fridge (the offending food items have yet to be identified). And that’s when all hell broke out. Using cleaning fluids like 409 or Lysol, the stench combined with the cleaners caused a chemical reaction that brought the building to its knees.

According to a report from the San Jose Mercury News:

It finally became so unbearable that the San Jose Fire Department’s hazmat team was summoned to the North First Street office complex just before lunchtime…In the end, 325 AT&T employees poured out to a parking lot that was the company’s designated evacuation site. A total of 50 firefighters and 18 emergency vehicles raced to the scene. Seven employees, who were vomiting or complaining of nausea, were treated at area hospitals…Twenty-eight people with functioning noses had to be checked out by paramedics after they were overcome by fumes.

The best part? The worker who caused all the retching because of her good intentions to clean the mess wasn’t even affected – she can’t smell because of nasal surgery to treat allergies. Really.

Just some news to chew on.

Portion Control, Japanese Style

April 28, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

OK, sometimes you want to buy some groceries, but you only need one of something. Well, leave it to the Japanese and their penchant for micro-packaging to come up with a way to do so. Call it innovative, clever or, yes, as we are wont to ponder, “Now, that’s really stupid.”

As posted on Tokyo Damage Report, single-serve packaging has become quite literal. We at News to Chew call it the anti-Costco merchandising approach. Instead of huge bunch of bananas, you can buy one – nicely packaged, at that. Don’t need a flat of eggs? Just buy one – yes, one egg. Don’t need five pounds of sliced ham? Well, how about one slice. (Notice that the pictures show these items are found in the Japanese 7-Elevens).

But then again, maybe this isn’t really so stupid. Think about it: America’s obesity can be traced to our Costco mentality to food. “But this #10 can of mayo is such a good deal. We’ll just slop it on everything we eat!” Maybe a hermetically sealed single pancake isn’t such a bad idea after all.

We’re just waiting for the individually packaged potato chip.

Just some news to chew on.

Do the Math: Chewing Gum Makes You Smart

April 23, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

The world is filled with “scientific” studies that come up with eyebrow-raising conclusions, especially ones that involve food. And they are a big reason why News to Chew came into existence. So, when we read in the LA Times about a recent study involving chewing gum, we thought, “Now, that’s really stupid.”

But then again, if actually true, it could completely blow out of the water one of the essential reasons for being a teacher: to make their students spit out their gum. Because researchers at Baylor College of Medicine have recently conducted a study showing that chewing gum boosts academic performance. The results were presented at the Annual Meeting of Experimental Biology 2009 in New Orleans on April 22.

OK, so the study had 108 students, ages 13 to 16, assigned to either chew sugar-free gum during math class, while doing math homework and during math tests or to no chew gum. After 14 weeks, the students’ took a math test and their grades were assessed.

The researchers found:

Those who chewed gum had a 3% increase in standardized math test scores and had final math grades that were significantly better than the other students. Teachers observed that those who chewed gum seemed to require fewer breaks, sustain attention longer and remain quieter.

So there you go. No more excuses. All these years of lesson plans, outside consultants, and enduring the cries of “I can’t do math,” and it seems all our teachers have had to do is pass around a bowl of Chiclets before algebra. And we’re sure no child wouldn’t be left behind. Would chewing a big wad of Bubble Yum raise the scores even higher? Why not?

Oh, did we mention that the study was funded by the Wrigley Science Institute? Oh, hmmm, we get it. So, what’s next? Eating Slim Jims will raise your science aptitude? Drinking Mountain Dew will help you compose a coherent sentence? It all depends on who funds the study, we guess.

Just some news to chew on.

April 15: File your taxes, fill your tummy.

April 15, 2009 By: admin Category: Food News

So, you’ve gone through the toil and duty of filing your taxes like the good citizen you are. Now, you deserve a reward, don’t you? Well, like other milestone days in America, April 15 has become an opportunity for restaurants to try and bump up sales, or in some cases, freebies.

As USAToday says, tax day has become a big promotional day over recent years for brands from beer to bagels. More than ever this year, restaurants hope to get some relief for themselves by doling out freebies, promotions and discounts. Some examples:

McCormick & Schmick’s, which is offering its seventh tax-day promotion. Wednesday diners will get a $10.40 certificate for future use. There’ll be $15 to $20 entrees discounted to $10.40. And bar patrons can choose themed drinks, such as a pint of Samuel Adams Deduction Draft.

The P.F. Chang’s chain is keeping it simple with a 15% discount for folks who dine at its 193 restaurants on Wednesday.

In addition, several food purveyors are offering freebies:

Free ice cream. MaggieMoo’s Ice Cream and Treatery will give away single-scoop servings to customers at 200 stores in what it calls an “e-cone-omic ice cream stimulus package.”

•Free sweets. Snack chain Cinnabon will give out Tax Day Bites, free bite-size cinnamon rolls usually known as Classic Bites, from 5 to 8 p.m. at its 700 outlets on tax day.

•Free tacos. At its 275 restaurants in the West, Taco Del Mar will run a promotion: “Taxes Suck. Tacos Don’t.” People can register at the Taco Del Mar website for an e-mailed coupon for a free tax day taco.

•Free gift cards. T.G.I. Friday’s will give Wednesday customers $5 Bonus Bites gift cards for food and beverage purchases of $15 to $25 and $10 cards for those who spend more than $25. Members of the 1,000-outlet chain’s frequent-customer program also will get double points.

So, go out and reward yourself. Especially if you owe money to the IRS.

Just some news to chew on.